Why Me?

Why me?  A question that probably all of us have asked at at least once in our lives.  A question for which we have to accept the fact that we might not find an answer.  A question that is often not the right question to ask, but we sometimes just can't help ourselves.  I am guilty of asking this question through this journey.  However, it might not be in the context you think.

Honestly, I have not struggled much with wondering why God allowed me to get cancer.  He has given me a "peace that transcends all understanding."  His ways are higher than ours, and sometimes we just don't understand why some may experience some horrible situation and others do not.  Then, we begin to find ourselves spiraling downward into thinking that someone did not deserve it.  Does anyone honestly deserve to get cancer, have their house burn down, or lose a child?  We just can't explain sometimes why some things happen.  God has given me peace in this.  My "why me" is different, but can also find itself in the same downward spiral.

We have been overwhelmed by the way we have been loved through this whole thing.  Our family has been their through every step.  Our friends have prayed ceaselessly.  Our church family has provided so much for us...a place to live, groceries, help for medical bills, a car to get around in, and more.  We have seen God's provision and love for us through all of them.  We have not taken if for granted and are extremely grateful.  But, at times, I sometimes cannot help myself from asking, "Why me?"

I have experienced suffering in a whole new way through our time in Bosnia-Herzegovina.  I am not talking about my own personal suffering, but about the suffering we see happening in the lives of the people we encounter every day.  When I found out that I had cancer and had surgery, the Bosnians did all they could for us.  They loved us well.  The truth is that I would not even begin to compare any suffering I have experienced to theirs.  So, why do I get to have so many material blessings when so many others who are hurting worse do not?

Do you see the downward spiral here?  The truth is that I do not deserve any of what I have received.  I am a sinner just like everyone else.  But, God has shown me his grace in incredible ways.  Hear me say that God has given me peace to receive thankfully what has been given to us.  Yet, I have learned something from the times that I ask, "Why me?"  I can either take the downward spiral and feel guilty about the love of God we have received, or I can let it move me to action in my life.  As I receive God's blessings, may I never stop looking for ways to love others and may I never forget the people God has led me to encounter.  No one deserves grace, but God gives it freely and we can all be a part of him giving it to others.

I am thankful for all of you that have loved us so well.  We have certainly seen the grace of God in huge ways through your generosity and love.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!