Bill Streu the Science Dude...

Okay, so I held out on this post for awhile because I had hopes of presenting this material with a fun video.  It would have made this post so much less boring.  But, fatigue set in and I kept forgetting.  I just want to write this out so that I can remember what it is I had done.  Therefore, this post is probably more for me than for you (but, I think it is still interesting, nonetheless).

Just call me Bill Streu, the Science Dude.  I want to take a moment to explain what this "chemo" is that I am receiving.  In fact, it is not technically chemotherapy, but the cancer center still calls it chemo since the side effects can be similar.  I also receive the medication through IV infusion over 2 hours, so it is very much like chemotherapy.

I have learned that there are now three major kinds of treatments for cancer:  Radiotherapy, Chemotherapy, and Targeted Therapy.  I have been taking a drug called Erbitux (or Cetuximab), which is a Targeted Therapy (and is also sometimes called a monoclonal antibody).  Chemotherapy and Targeted Therapy are both used to block the growth of cancer cells by interfering with rapidly dividing cells.  However, Targeted Therapies target specific molecules that aid in dividing cancer cells, whereas traditional chemotherapy interferes with all rapidly dividing cells.  So, what is Erbitux specifically targeting?

Apparently, there are these things in our bodies called Epidermal Growth Factor Receptors (EGFRs).  These EGFRs can attach to cells in our body and then attract proteins called Growth Factors that can help aid that cell's growth and division.  Therefore, it is not a good thing when these EGFRs find cancer cells.  This is where the Erbitux comes in.

The Erbitux supposedly moves in like a ninja and gives the EGFR a roundhouse kick to the face.  In turn, this ninja work helps enhance the effectiveness of the good work the radiation is trying to do.  So, I agreed to let that ninja in.

There you have it.  I know a fun video would have been so much more entertaining.  Maybe some day.

We Should Have a Soundtrack For Everything

I love how music just has that way of connecting you to specific seasons of events in life.  For example, every time I hear Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign," I just think about the summer of 1996.  Do I remember anything that happened that summer?  Not really.  But, somehow I just know, "Mmmm...feels like summer of '96."  When I hear Otis Redding singing "Stand By Me," I will always think of dancing with my beautiful bride at our wedding.  I think all of us can think of at least one song that takes us back in a very specific way.

Soundtracks add so much to movies, and I would argue they do for life as well.  A good soundtrack can make a long road trip epic or a bad work day not hurt so bad.  So, I thought that a soundtrack for my radiation therapy was entirely necessary.  Therefore, I created Treatment Tunes, Volumes 1 & 2.  I thought I would share the playlists with you. 

Some of you will be interested in this, and some of you will not.  But, I love to share music with others and maybe someone just might find their new favorite artist out of these lists.

Treatment Tunes, Volume 1:

• Goodmorning (Pink Ganter Remix) - William Fitzsimmons
• She Lit a Fire - Lord Huron
• Spotlight - Leagues
• Pilot Me - Josh Garrells
• Rewrite - Paul Simon
• Windmills - Toad the Wet Sprocket
• Cast Away Stones - Jeremy Casella
• The Kids Don't Stand a Chance - Vampire Weekend
• Diamonds On the Soles of Her Shoes - Paul Simon
• Brother - Lord Huron
• Farther Along - Josh Garrells
• Time to Run - Lord Huron
• Crazy Life - Toad the Wet Sprocket

We played Volume 1 through the first 3 weeks of treatments.  We would start on a different number everyday to mix things up.  Volume 1 was intended to be more of a laid back, relaxing mix.

Volume 2 was meant to be more encouraging and motivating.  It has definitely helped pump me up sometimes.  I would occasionally find myself leaving treatments with a better attitude than when I had arrived.  I think God used Volume 2 in this way.

Treatment Tunes, Volume 2:

• I Will Overcome - Charlie Hall
• Rise - Shawn McDonald
• Train Station - The Gray Havens
• Thank You - Glen Phillips
• God Will Lift Up Your Head - Jars of Clay
• Oh Great God, Give Us Rest - David Crowder Band
• Valley Song - Jars of Clay
• My Hope is in You - Third Day
• Music From a Garden - The Gray Havens
• Put Your Arms Around Me - The Hawk in Paris
• SMS (Shine) - David Crowder Band
• Jesus Paid it All - Kristian Stanfill
• Crazy Love - Robbie Seay Band
• Standing in Your Silence - Bebo Norman
• Cast Away Stones - Jeremy Casella (yes, again...I love this song)

If you have not heard any of these songs, I encourage you to check them out.  And...make more soundtracks in your life.

They Call Me Captain Optimist.

Willis.  Bubba.  Bill Grande.  Apple "Streu"del.  Chuck.  Cupcake.  Bilbo.  Billubbaluva.  Just a few of the many nicknames I have been blessed with over the years.  But, truth is that one of my favorites has always been Captain Optimist.

I like being an optimist.  I like to accentuate the positive.  I like to always find something to smile about.  And why not?

Now, I know that there is sometimes a fine line between being real and putting a mask on.  I understand the danger of faking it and just slapping a smile on your face so you don't have to show people what is really going on.  I won't pretend that this has been an easy experience, but I am a firm believer that, in Christ, we ALWAYS have something to look forward to.  

This past Sunday, I had a lot of people ask how I was feeling.  Truth is that I don't know the best way to answer that question.  I think this is because of my optimism.  The deal is that I'm not doing great, but I know that any suffering I am experiencing could be much worse. 

One of my friends asked how I was feeling and I replied, "Ummm...I'm alright."  He said, "You know, Billy, you don't always have to be positive."  Was he wrong in saying this?  Absolutely not.  But, I started to really think about it and realized that this is just who I am.  I thank God for this blessing.  Perhaps living in Bosnia-Herzegovina has even aided in enhancing this within me.  I believe that I have seen what terrible suffering could possibly be, and I know God has led me to encourage them to put their hope in Christ and not despair.  So, I hope that when I "accentuate the positive," it is my striving to bank my hope in the One who has given me something to ALWAYS look forward to.

Romans 8 shows us that our present sufferings are basically birth pangs on the road to future glory.  I want to live that out in my life and view whatever may come through that lens. 

Just call me Captain Optimist.

I Didn't Know a Rash Could Get There

Now, I have to take a moment to give thanks to God.  My mouth sores got pretty bad again last week, and almost everyone told me to get prepared for them to get worse.  Well, last time my mouth sores got really bad, they actually got better.  I held out hope that this would happen again and asked many to pray for this.  GOD DEFINITELY ANSWERED PRAYERS!!!  While the sores are very uncomfortable, they have not gotten worse.  Praise the Lord!!!

However, my rash has gotten worse...

But I can't complain too much because I have been told that a rash all over your face and chest is the main side effect of the chemo I am taking and that it can get REALLY bad.  My rash has stayed mostly to around my mouth and has not shown up too bad until the last week and a half of my therapy.  But, then, I found out today that the rash has found a new home...

MY EAR CANALS!  Isn't that crazy?  Fortunately, the pain went away with the ear infection I did get.  But, it is not fun to have an itch in a place you can't scratch.  Don't feel bad for me, though, because it doesn't itch too much.

Lastly, I want to brag on my wife again, even though I am going to get in trouble.  That is why I am tucking it here after my rash dialogue (maybe she won't see it).  I found this on our bathroom mirror 2 days ago...

She changes the countdown while I am gone for treatment everyday.  She's a keeper, for sure.  I love you, Jess.  Thanks for being such a great encourager and coach through this.

Wanna see?

So, I have had some people ask what things look like in radiation treatments, and I wondered if there has been a few more that have tried to picture it as well.  Therefore, I got one of the radiation therapists to snap some photos for you...

This is the immobilization mask that I wrote about in a previous post.  You can imagine how someone who is claustrophobic would not do well with this.  This is why I decided to just buzz my hair.  This mask gives some wicked "hat-hair."

There is a hole cut out for the mouth for a test that they ran a couple of weeks ago.  However, I am smiling.  The radiation therapist told me to, but I did not think you would be able to notice.

Take note of the CD player that is sitting above the radioactive warning sign in the background.  I have had two "Treatment Tunes" playlists that have been the soundtrack of my journey.

Now, you see the massive machine.  The radiation emits from the round part above my head.  The entire machine rotates.  Therefore, the round part starts near the floor on the right side of my head and ends near the floor on the left side of my head (almost 360 degrees).

One Day at a Time

Let me tell you another fun story (although many of you may have already heard it).  It was our wedding day.  We had just exited the sanctuary after being introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Streu, and we had just a few solitary seconds with each other.  We gave each another kiss and then took our rings off to look at the inscriptions.  What did we find?  We found that we had both had the same thing inscribed in each ring.  This was not planned and incidental in our eyes, completely intentional in God's.  "What is the inscription," you ask.  One Day at a Time - Philippians 4:6-7 (abbreviated of course...quite a bit on Jess'...she has a small finger).

This phrase, "One Day at a Time," has been something that we have taken turns reminding each other throughout our whole relationship with each other...even way before the proposal.  For example, we have to make a really tough decision in a short amount of time and we don't know what to do and we try to freak out.  Then, one of us remembers and says, "One day at a time," and the other takes a deep breath and says, "Oh yeah...you're right."

Well, this brings me to yet another reason I need to thank my beautiful bride.  It has certainly been her turn to remember these past few weeks.  Time for another illustration:

Me:  "Yea...I'm halfway through treatments.  But wait, that means I still have 3 weeks left."
Jess:   "Billy...you can't look at it that way.  Just keep going one day at a time."
Me:  (deep breath) "Yeah...you're right."

It is amazing how just those 4 words can bring so much peace for us.  I even wrote a song for Jess about it a few years ago during a time that we really needed to live it out.  The Bible teaches us that we must learn from yesterday and not worry about tomorrow.  That leaves us to make today count.  Probably a lesson that we have heard many times, but probably forget even more often.

I will add that I was the one remembering when we only had a week to wrap things up in Bosnia to get back to America.  I think Jess and I make a great team. 

Born to Run

That's right...again, if you were wondering, that was an intentional Bruce Springsteen reference.  Now, let's begin with a story...

I used to hate running with a passion.  In elementary school, I can remember the horrible moment in P.E. class when we had to go and run laps around the field.  Short bursts of running when needed in a game or when in a hurry were okay.  But, running for pleasure...NONSENSE!  In college, I can remember numerous attempts to lose weight, but any method other than running would be used.  Then, I met Jess.

Running has been a passion for Jess for a long time.  By the time I moved to Austin after I graduated from college, our relationship had grown enough for me to begin thinking about the possibility of marriage with her.  I began to think of things we had in common, and things that we could have in common.  All of a sudden, I found running at the top of that list.  So, I decided to take on this challenge.  Was Austin and its insane humidity a crazy place to begin a venture like this?  Yes...but love will lead you to do crazy things.

Long story made shorter...I now love to run and this has been something that Jess and I have certainly been able to share in our relationship.  But, what does this have to do with my current journey?  Perseverance and the confidence to be strong.

Running has played a major role in my therapy.  Before I began treatments, I was afraid that I would not be able to run or exercise.  Then, during my education session, I was being encouraged to exercise.  In fact, the nurse showed me a newspaper article of one of their patients that had continued training for a marathon while going through her therapy.  This lit a fire under me.

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 says, "Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."  Now, I know that I am taking things a little bit out of context and Paul was using running as a metaphor, but this verse has encouraged me.  My body is going through a lot right now, and running has been a way to encourage it and feel normal.  In fact, most of the time it serves as a pain reliever (at least while I am running).  So, I continue to push myself (while watching out for what may be too much) and I believe that it has made a huge difference in how I have coped with my therapy physically and mentally.

This brings me to two reasons I need to take a moment and thank my wife.  First, I would not have ever known that I would like to run if I did not find a reason in her to suffer through those first few months (yes...months).  Next, she has been encouraging me to not stop.  Just last night, I had been feeling pretty fatigued and said that I didn't know if I could exercise the next day.  Jess said, "Just do what you can, but do something.  Don't stop.  You know how good it has been for you."  It's great to have a loving coach.

Above all else, I have to thank the Lord for giving me my beautiful bride and for encouraging me far more than running ever will.  He is the one who sustains me.

Let the Real Countdown Begin...

Okay...it's official this time.  We are officially two-thirds through radiation therapy.  I have 10 treatments left!  And, here is the deal.  This now correlates with my chemotherapy.  I am also two-thirds through the chemo.  Therefore, 10 radiation and 2 chemo treatments to go.  I say, "Bring it on!"

April 1st will be the final day for both.  Believe me that someone might get kicked in the teeth if any April Fools' jokes make an appearance at the cancer center that day.  Although, I tend to be a good sport, so I would probably just laugh (and I have never been known to kick anyone in the teeth).

Things have definitely gotten tougher...mouth sores have gotten pretty bad, fatigue has set in, and I have somehow picked up an ear infection.  However, God continues to be very good to me.  I definitely need my rest, but I still have the will to continue to exercise and eat.  Please pray for perseverance and for God to continue to be glorified through this season in a big way.

Rewind...

So, I have a correction to make.  I just found out today that the radiation oncologist had planned on a "boost of 3."  Therefore, I asked, "What is that?"  "Well, that means that you will have three more treatments at the end.  Sorry...but we thought that it would be better to tell you this now than at the end of the 6 weeks."  God has sustained me amazingly so far, so three more treatments is nothing.  However, this means that we need to rewind a bit and we will restart the countdown in a couple of days.  So, I have 12 left.

The Final Countdown...

Yes, that's right...that was an intentional Europe reference (for those that were wondering).  I have some great news today.  The countdown begins for the rest of my radiation treatments...I HAVE ONLY 10 LEFT!!!  Praise the Lord!

I will not pretend and say that it has been easy, but God has certainly taken care of me through this whole journey.  My body has felt well enough to be able to continue to exercise and not be too tired.  I had heard many more horror stories that I have definitely not had to experience.  I am extremely grateful to God for his provision and care.  He has certainly sustained me through this whole thing.

Oh, and by the way...I am also halfway through the chemo.  I only have three Mondays left.

Food Network Torture

Okay, I have probably lost more weight than I am supposed to, but I feel that I have been doing a pretty good job of eating.  While it has been difficult to eat stuff because of the sore throat and then the mouth sores, I have still been able to make myself eat malt-o-meal, soups, scrambled eggs, and lots of Ensure shakes.  Much of this is thanks to God that I have not hardly suffered from any nausea.  I still find myself hungry, with an appetite.  The problem is that my appetite is for all the things I cannot eat.  That is where Food Network comes in.

Jess keeps trying to tell me to quit watching the Food Network, but I get hungry and can't stop myself.  Guy Fieri just keeps showing me all these places I want to go try.  Bobby Flay keeps putting flavors together that makes my mouth water (not literally, or course, because the mouth is pretty dry right now).  But, I know that if I try anything that I want, it just won't be worth it.  However, a man can only do so much soup.

So, we borrowed a blender from my parents.  Hopefully, we can mix things up a bit (pun totally intended).  My wife just rocks my socks off sometimes.  Today she had the great idea of using the Ensure shakes as the base for fruit smoothies.  For lunch, I had a Milk Chocolate Ensure shake with banana, milk, peanut butter, and honey.  It was definitely a welcome change.  I can't wait to try something with a Vanilla Ensure.

If anyone out there has some good smoothie recipes, let me know.  My mouth does not do well with citrus or anything acidic, so keep it mild and fairly bland.

Cause for Celebration...

I am officially halfway through the radiation treatments!!!  Short one today, but worthy of a posting.

B to the 4th Power...

Billy...Blessed Beyond Belief!

Okay, I know that was kind of cheesy, but it helped me have a title that hopefully snagged you.  But, the statement is certainly true.

Truth is that things are getting tougher, but not too bad.  My body, overall, has been taking things pretty well.  I am only tired occasionally and I am still running between 2 and 3 miles every other day.  However, my mouth is another story.  There have been a number of sores that have sprung up on my tongue, inside my cheeks and lips, and at the entrance of my throat.  It is definitely making eating not fun at all and they have started waking me up at night.  But, today, as I was receiving another radiation treatment, I began to consider my blessings...and it made all the difference.  I just lied there and thought about much of what God has given me, and I found my thoughts focusing on one of the biggest blessings of all...my wife.

The true purpose of this post is to share how thankful I am for my wonderful wife.  I cannot imagine a better partner, best friend, supporter, encourager, and helper.  She would tell you that none of it is true, but don't listen to her.  I can't believe how much she has had to sacrifice through all of this, and she would not even act as though sacrifices were made.  She has suffered with me and rejoiced with me.  She considers it a welcome challenge to discover what recipes she can make that would be easy for me to eat.  She is often preparing three different meals (for me, herself, and Anabell).  I don't know how many diapers I have NOT changed, and she has with love.  I have an amazing wife.

Thank you, Jessica, for loving me so well.  I am blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with you.  I love you like whoa.

Why Me?

Why me?  A question that probably all of us have asked at at least once in our lives.  A question for which we have to accept the fact that we might not find an answer.  A question that is often not the right question to ask, but we sometimes just can't help ourselves.  I am guilty of asking this question through this journey.  However, it might not be in the context you think.

Honestly, I have not struggled much with wondering why God allowed me to get cancer.  He has given me a "peace that transcends all understanding."  His ways are higher than ours, and sometimes we just don't understand why some may experience some horrible situation and others do not.  Then, we begin to find ourselves spiraling downward into thinking that someone did not deserve it.  Does anyone honestly deserve to get cancer, have their house burn down, or lose a child?  We just can't explain sometimes why some things happen.  God has given me peace in this.  My "why me" is different, but can also find itself in the same downward spiral.

We have been overwhelmed by the way we have been loved through this whole thing.  Our family has been their through every step.  Our friends have prayed ceaselessly.  Our church family has provided so much for us...a place to live, groceries, help for medical bills, a car to get around in, and more.  We have seen God's provision and love for us through all of them.  We have not taken if for granted and are extremely grateful.  But, at times, I sometimes cannot help myself from asking, "Why me?"

I have experienced suffering in a whole new way through our time in Bosnia-Herzegovina.  I am not talking about my own personal suffering, but about the suffering we see happening in the lives of the people we encounter every day.  When I found out that I had cancer and had surgery, the Bosnians did all they could for us.  They loved us well.  The truth is that I would not even begin to compare any suffering I have experienced to theirs.  So, why do I get to have so many material blessings when so many others who are hurting worse do not?

Do you see the downward spiral here?  The truth is that I do not deserve any of what I have received.  I am a sinner just like everyone else.  But, God has shown me his grace in incredible ways.  Hear me say that God has given me peace to receive thankfully what has been given to us.  Yet, I have learned something from the times that I ask, "Why me?"  I can either take the downward spiral and feel guilty about the love of God we have received, or I can let it move me to action in my life.  As I receive God's blessings, may I never stop looking for ways to love others and may I never forget the people God has led me to encounter.  No one deserves grace, but God gives it freely and we can all be a part of him giving it to others.

I am thankful for all of you that have loved us so well.  We have certainly seen the grace of God in huge ways through your generosity and love.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!