From "Sharpie Sniffer" to "Pioneer"

Isn't it funny how so much can result from a tiny joke?  Sometimes it is good...sometimes bad.  It's really good when that tiny joke may just become the catalyst to pioneering a new idea for an industry.  I think that I might have stumbled upon just that kind of joke.  It all began with the mark of a Sharpie...

I go in for radiation every day, Monday through Friday.  Three of those days each week, the therapists take an X-ray to make sure everything is still lined up exactly the way it needs to be.  Then, if there are adjustments to be made, a therapist will come in, with Sharpie in hand, and put little marks on my mask. 

Well, the first time they performed one of the X-rays on me, they ended up putting a mark directly under my nostrils.  Please hear me out...I do NOT like to sniff Sharpies, but I do like joke around.  So, as the therapists were walking out, I mumbled through my mask, "Mmmm...this Sharpie smells good" (think Brian Regan voice...I don't sound like him, but it adds so much to the story).  They laughed.  Success.

However, that has now become the recurring joke with the therapists.  I started to think that "Sharpie Sniffer" might not be the legacy I want to leave.  That is when I started to tell them that I am going to give them all scented markers (sans Black Licorice...that's just gross).

Last night, I was telling a friend of mine this story.  He is currently going through clinicals to become a radiation therapist.  Do you know what I found out?  Not only do they use Sharpies at every place he has been to, a Sharpie is on the list of school supplies every student is required to have.  He told me that I just might be on track to "revamping the radiation therapy industry after your 1st treatment!"  Today, I told my therapists that I want credit when this happens, and that they now need to call me, "Pioneer."

(Disclaimer:  This is merely taking a tiny joke and making it bigger.  I, in no way, expect for the future generation to see my name in the history books of radiation therapy technology.  But, I still do not think it is a bad idea...at least for head-and-neck treatments,)

An Itch and A Miracle

A part of the radiation process is to get fitted with an immobilization mask.  It is not a fun thing for anyone that is claustrophobic, but for me it is not too bad.  Well, not until a couple of days ago.  First, let me show you a picture to give you an idea (it is not exact, but close enough)...



Back to a couple of days ago.  I went in for my treatment and they clamped me down to the table in the mask.  They started the CD I made to provide my Treatment Tunes, but this time I had them start it at track 12.  I had forgotten that there were only 13 tracks on the CD.  Shortly after they started the treatment, I got one of those annoying itches on my nasal septum...you know, that little piece of skin in between the nostrils.  Then, track 13 ended and I was without distractions.

So there I was, snapped down to a table with an awful itch under the mask while having to keep the rest of my body still.  But, I was victorious!  For close to 15 minutes I restrained any part of myself from moving for the greater good of my body.  Believe it or not, it encouraged me a little bit that I can encourage my body to do this thing (I know...all this from an itch).

After the mask came off and relief for the itch arrived, I asked the technician again how still I need to be during the treatment (just to double-check).  She said, in relation to the itch I told her about, "Very still...we wouldn't want to radiate your hand."  I agree.

As for the miracle, Lubbock, TX actually got the blizzard the weather men predicted.  I got a phone call from the Cancer Center that they were closed and my appointments were cancelled today.  So, we will start the concurrent therapy tomorrow.  Just in case you don't know much about Lubbock, the miracle was that it snowed, not that my therapy is being delayed.  To tell you the truth, though, I really just added this paragraph because it made the post title more catchy.

It Feels So Good

So let's talk about how good it feels when God encourages you.  I mean really encourage you in a very specific way through a very specific trial.  He is big and He is King, He is Creator and He is God, but He is not beyond a specific encouragement for a specific child of His.  This is what happened for me this morning at church.

This morning, my time in worship filled me up in a profound way.  I found rest and release, comfort and courage, peace and perseverance.  It was one of those times that felt like every song was picked specifically for me (sure, this isn't true, but it sure felt like it).  Let me share and explain a few lines that spoke to me...

1. "I don't have to be afraid because I know You love me."  This encounter with God could not have come at a better time.  I will begin a concurrent therapy tomorrow that will possibly be very similar to chemo.  God is sustaining me, but I can't deny that there has been some fear.  This line spoke loud to me and carried me into the next lines.
2. "You make all things work together for my good."  I believe in Romans 8.  This trial will be worth every moment as God will be made more famous in my life (even if I'm the only one who sees it).
3. "Let what's dead come to life!"  Okay, I believe in God's healing, but I have often not been the first to pray for it in faith and expect it immediately.  Well, today, when I sang this line, it spoke to me differently than I would have ever expected.  I got this picture of the healthy cells that have been killed by the radiation coming quickly back to life.  It was a line of healing for me.
4. "I need You, oh I need You."  My only response was to physically reach as high as I could asking God to be my courage, my confidence, and my strength.

Also, as I sang that last line, I found myself crying, and it certainly was not out of sadness.  I think it was just a physical way of "letting go."  The thing is that I don't cry much.  It is not because I am afraid to, or that I feel like "real men don't cry."  I just don't.  If I do, it is always at the weirdest times when I least expect it (like when the farmer in movie Babe looks down and says, "That'll do, pig.  That'll do."  I know, right?).  Therefore, I have quite understood what people would mean by saying that "crying can be cleansing."  After the song ended, I passed a note to my wife that said, "I think I understand more how crying can be cleansing."  It just felt so good.

While the enemy may try to help me fear about tomorrow, I know that my God loves me, that He is at work for my good, and that He is healing me even as I type this post.  Oh, how I need Him.

God On the Move

As I have shared in an earlier post, I have hoped that God will glorify Himself through every part of this journey.  Well, I can definitely say that I have seen God on the move in many ways already.  Let's talk about several stories...

1. Before we left Bosnia-Herzegovina, God gave me the opportunity to share with many what He has been teaching me about how to "consider it pure joy" as we go through tough times.
2. My sister that lives in Portland, OR, has had opportunities to share the Gospel there as people have asked her questions about me and my situation.
3. The other day, I went to Super Cuts (or Pro Cuts...can't remember) to get a hair cut.  I had forgotten to remove my wristband that I have to get every time I go in to the cancer center.  This sparked her interest and she began to ask a lot of questions.  I was able to share with her the things that God has been teaching me.

 This definitely makes it all worth it and helps me be even more thankful for the privilege God has given me to try and make more of Him.  Please pray that I continue to be intentional in every relationship and encounter I have to make God known.  I know that days may come that I just don't feel like it, and I want to have the fervor to persevere.

Even more, I want to keep this zeal no matter what my situation is.  May God use my current journey to help me want to make more of Him always.

Why wait?

Well, today was probably the hardest that I have had through this journey so far...at least mentally and emotionally.  It has been a common occurrence to have to make an extremely important decision within a short amount of time.  For example, being given two days to decide if we would stay in Croatia to have a piece of my tongue cut out and my neck cut open.  And while God has constantly been leading us and taking care of us, it is difficult to not feel the pressure when another tough decision has to be made on a time crunch.  Well, today was one of these kinds of situations, but this time the enemy saw my guard down.  But, again, God was victorious.  To explain, let's go back in time for a little bit...

Through our time in Bosnia-Herzegovina, God has taught us many things.  Some of these things have been the beginning of a process of practice.  We have been blessed to learn a lot about listening to the Holy Spirit from our team leader in Bihac.  She is a person who is very intentional about seeking the Spirit's guidance in everything.  More specifically, asking for the Spirit's guidance in a specific situation and expecting that He will speak right then.  Let me give an example. 

You are approached by a friend that has a desperate need that needs to be met immediately.  However, you have already given to this friend numerous times and you have seen some instances where they are not learning how to help themselves.  So, you immediately ask the Spirit what to do and listen.  This is something I am not always intentional about.  My experience has been more to ask the Spirit for guidance for something way in advance and expect to wait for awhile.  I have not always had the faith that the Spirit would answer me immediately.  In fact, I haven't known how to listen.

Jess and I have been working on practicing this in our lives over the past couple of years.  I can certainly see how God has used it through this journey.  So, let's go back to today...

I asked God to help me be able to hear the Spirit.  While I still don't always listen well, God has grown my faith that the Spirit will speak to me.  The Bible speaks much about waiting in the Lord, but I think that we sometimes only focus on the waiting and forget how to expect in faith.  I think God gave me the faith to do this today, and I know I heard the Spirit speak to me what to do.  Within a couple of hours, I moved from a place of deep fear about the future to a "peace that transcends all understanding."

Ask the Spirit and expect him to speak, maybe even immediately.  He is right next to you, so listen.

Considering Pure Joy...

Well, I guess that I should explain something about the title of this blog site.  So, let me tell you a story and probably the biggest thing I have been learning through this journey so far...

It was probably two days after I had gotten out of the hospital after my surgery.  I woke up that morning and had this feeling (which I believe was the Lord speaking to me) that I needed to start reading James in the Bible.  It did not take long before I discovered why I had this feeling.  James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  I had read this verse many times before all of this, but this reading was different. 

This time it seemed so much more relevant and confusing at the same time.  First, who likes to face trials, and so how can you "consider it pure joy?"  Now, it may be focusing on completion through perseverance, but that comes in the future.  I get the sense that James is telling us to "consider it pure joy" right now.  So, I had to ask, "Lord, I have read by this so many times, but now I ask how I am to live this verse out?"  Then, I believe He began to show me...

Something began to make sense to me.  It seems that it is often through our hardest moments in life that we experience 2 things (however, this list is certainly not exhaustive):

1. We possibly see God glorified in our lives in a bigger way than we saw before.
2. We possibly find ourselves drawn closer to God than we found before.

Therefore, it dawned on me that when we travel through the hardest moments and toughest trials in our lives, we have an opportunity before us...and we can take it or leave it.  It is the opportunity to glorify God and draw closer to Him than we had before.  So, if we have chosen and God has chosen us to live fully for Him, what more could we honestly want.  Isn't glorifying God and drawing closer to Him (i.e. enjoying Him) enough?  Couldn't it be possible to "consider it pure joy" that we had been given that opportunity?

To take it a little deeper, I can remember hearing a pastor who had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer call his cancer a "privilege" given by God.  This made no sense to me when I heard it.  How could you consider cancer a "privilege?"  Well, I have been able to make more sense of this now as I have experienced probably the hardest trial I have yet faced.  There are few greater privileges and blessings than to be given a greater opportunity to glorify God and enjoy Him more.

Now, please allow me to preach a little bit and offer a challenge.  The verse does not say to consider it pure joy when you get cancer, but when you face "trials of many kinds."  This means that almost all of us can find this greater opportunity in our lives right now.  You are probably going through something tough as you read this, whether it is big or small.  No matter the trial, you have an opportunity before you.  Will you choose to find a way through your trial to glorify God and enjoy Him more?  Or will you miss the opportunity?

I choose to see my Lord glorified through this mess and hopefully enjoy Him more than I ever have before!  I think that "pure joy" can certainly be found in that as He teaches me perseverance and makes me more complete.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Accentuate the Positive

Let me give a very brief overview for those that don't know...I got a squamous cell carcinoma on my tongue, had the tumor removed from tongue and lymph nodes from my neck in Zagreb, Croatia, and have returned to Texas for further treatments.  I have radiation treatments yesterday at Southwest Cancer Center.

So, why this blog?  I was told that it was a good idea to journal my experience through this journey.  Why not share it with others?  Well, at least the less personal things along with experiences and lessons learned that I want to share.  With a situation that can be so easily seen as negative, I will start with accentuating the positive.  The list begins and will continue as more positive comes...

1. We will be able to save money on shampoo.  Anabell and I now use the same stuff because it was recommended by one of the nurses.
2. I lost possibly 20 pounds.
3. Over the past 3 weeks I have been able to enjoy almost anything I want to eat without feeling guilty.  It has been nice.  (I think I gained about 15 pounds back.)
4. We are blessed with probably the best church family in the world.  They have taken great care of us.
5. We have been able to enjoy unexpected time with our family, friends, and church in Texas.
6. Jess let me get a buzz cut again because it makes life so much easier right now
7. I have already seen God use this situation for His glory.  He let me teach the Bosnians a lot of what He has taught me so far through all of this (which I will share in another post soon).
8. Anabell gets to spend her 1 year birthday with family (including her new cousin on Jess' side that we have not met yet).
9. God has blessed us with some great health insurance that will save us A LOT!!!
10. We made it to America in time for Girl Scout Cookie season.