Pray for Selah...

Hey friends,

I want to ask you to pray for this 3-year-old girl, Selah.  Lance (her father) was one of my college roommates for a couple of years.  This family is very dear to us.  They are currently missionaries in Rwanda.  They have been in the process of moving, and a metal box accidentally fell on Selah's head.  Due to this accident, she has been suffering from a fracture to the base of her skull (which is causing her brain to swell), spinal fluid leaking from her ear, and damage to one of her eye sockets.  She is sedated and on ventilation.  Due to the swelling of her brain, the next 24 hours are extremely critical.

I must confess that prayer has been a spiritual discipline that I have struggled with the most.  I am one of those people that will tell someone, "I will pray for you," but then a couple of days later I realize I have forgotten.  This situation has certainly drawn me to my knees.  God hears our prayers and he answers.  I know that he will heal Selah.  Please pray without ceasing with me.

I got this picture in my head as I was praying this morning.  I saw Jesus, the Lover of our souls, standing next to Selah with his hand resting on her head.  He was saying, "I am here and I am not going anywhere.  I love you."  Praise our Father that we have a Great High Priest that knows our pain and sorrows.

If you would like to stay updated and get more details, here is a link to follow:

http://prayerwall.worldventure.com/lance-and-tiffany-ferguson/

Learning to Trust Again

It's time to get real.  I am definitely what you all an external processor and things become so much clearer for me when I can get it out.  Therefore, that is what I am going to do here.  I will attempt to make my thoughts coherent, but please forgive if I ever slip into stream of consciousness.  Also, please read all the way through to the end before you make any deductions about the situation or comments for me.

I was prepared for the cancer treatments.  I had prayed much, been prayed for much, and had totally rallied myself to take it head on.  God had taught me a lot about "considering it pure joy" and I was as ready as I would ever be.  While the treatments were not easy, I felt that everything went well and I was incredibly thankful for how God provided.  So, you can imagine how excited I was when the countdown arrived and we knocked the rest of those treatments out.  What came next, though, most definitely blindsided me.

Now, let's fast forward to the present real quick.  My last treatments were on April 1st (over 7 and a half weeks ago) and I still have a while to go to full recovery.  I can honestly say that my optimism did not allow me to expect anything like this.  To give you an idea, I had high hopes to eat Kerbey Lane pancakes during our trip to Austin the weekend after my treatments ended.  Ir was not until May 11th until I had my pancakes (6 weeks post-treatment).  The first 2 weeks after treatments were probably the hardest weeks of the whole experience (regarding pain and hopes being crushed).  It took about 2-3 weeks for all of my rashes to clear up and about a month a half for the mouth sores to heal.  I am finally being able to try foods that I have been hoping for, but my taste is far from fully returning.

Please understand me here...my goal is in no way to complain.  I am merely confessing that I was utterly unprepared for my post-treatment experience.  As I said before, I was definitely blindsided.  I also share all of this because I am finally dealing with the effects this unpreparedness and post-treatment have had on me.  The reason I am being so honest to share is because God is bringing things to light and teaching me to trust Him again.  I did not know things had come to that, but they had.  Allow me to share some of the major things that have come to light (and I'm putting myself out there).  Keep in mind that things will get more positive and encouraging after the list is over.

1.  That "first meal" was not what I imagined.  When we got back to the States in January, I had recovered well enough after the surgery.  So, when I finally bit into that Jumbo Joe's jumbo cheeseburger, it was wonderful.  Someone asked me one day, "Was it really that good?"  After eating and drinking everything through my nose for two weeks and then only having liquids for awhile...yes, it was that good.  So, I naturally had similar expectations for that "first meal" after treatments were over.  Once I could finally eat something solid again, it just didn't taste like I remembered.  During treatments, I could tell you exactly what I couldn't wait for.  Now, when people ask what I want or where I want to go, it's is very hard for me to pick because I still don't know what I might enjoy the most.

2.  Things are not going to be the same as before.  Don't get me wrong, I believe that God can fully restore my taste, feeling in my face and tongue, etc.  However, I have had the realization that there is a chance that I will not taste the same as before.  Also, I will be following up with doctors for at least the next 5 years (every 3 months with CT scans for the next 2 years, etc).  Everyone knows that things change as you grow older, but it feels like someone stole the remote and pressed fast forward.

3.  I have not been excited about going back to Bosnia.  I do not doubt that this is what God wants from us right now, and obedience to him is the most important thing to me in this.  However, a few things have made me fear this transition.  For example, I definitely allowed myself to have the expectation that I would be fully recovered before we returned (especially after we changed our plane tickets allowing an additional month and a half).  Also, after this whole situation, it just feels "safe" here.  All of this has combined with some other fears I have been working to let go of.

Whew...enough of that.  Now, I'm ready to share something encouraging.  Truth is that encouraging things have been happening ever since treatments ended.  The mouth sores have healed, I can eat again, I have much more energy, etc.  However, much of this had become overshadowed by my unpreparedness for post-treatment.

Therefore, the most encouraging point is that God is teaching me how to trust him again.  I can tell you with all of my heart that God is infinitely faithful.  Oh, how he has cared for us and provided for us.  And he is letting me know that he does not stop.  Regarding my health, God is saying, "I love you, so trust me."  Regarding Bosnia and my fears, God is saying, "I love you, so trust me."  Regarding my tastebuds, God is saying, "Oh, taste and see that I am good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in me!" (Psalm 34:8).

So, what now?  I am ready to stop banking my hope in recovery and "safety."  I am ready to bank my hope in his faithfulness and his promises.  He loves me and I know I can trust him.

Answered Prayer is Seaux Good!

For years, I have wanted to go to the New Orleans Jazz Festival.  It just so happened that the Jazz Fest was scheduled about a month after my treatments ended (although, I'm not so sure that was their intentional plan).  Seemed like a good way to unwind after a long few months.  Fortunately, my wonderful wife thought that this dream should come true for me.  Plus, we would get to get time with Jess' family as well.  So, the tickets were bought.

Well, I am currently writing this post after experiencing a wonderful day at the Jazz Festival.  We got to enjoy Better Than Ezra, The Neville Brothers, and the Dave Matthews Band.  They were all fantastic.  Why wouldn't they be?  I actually have a huge highlight apart from the music to share with you.

I love food from New Orleans.  Therefore, I have been praying for awhile that I would be healed enough to enjoy some tasty cuisine at the Festival.  As of yesterday, it still was very uncertain that this prayer would be answered as I hoped.  I decided to take a chance.

We found one of the food lines and I began to watch what people were eating.  I saw a pasta dish called Crawfish Monica that looked promising.  Well...we had a winner!!!  I was able to enjoy a great dish without it hurting me.  I tasted every bite and savored it.  I had a big sweet tea that felt so refreshing to swallow.  Then there was a bonus...I still felt good enough to truly enjoy a serving of White Chocolate Bread Pudding.  My prayer was more than answered and my expectations far exceeded. 

Another praise and blessing was an overcast day, so I did not have to worry about being sunburned (since the radiation has made this a much higher possibility for me).   It was also the longest Jess and I have been away from Anabell, and she was a little angel for her Nana and Papa.  We are extremely grateful for them taking great care of her (with the help of some of her great-grandparents as well).

As I am writing this post, my mouth is actually hurting right now, but today was definitely a big milestone in my healing.  Glory to God!

Pillbox Graduate...

I have another bit of great news today.  I have officially finished my last prescribed, required medication this morning.  So long, antibiotics.  I have had a lot of medications through all of this, and it is very nice to have graduated from my pillbox.  It feels good.

On a side note, while on our way to church this morning, I asked Jess to help me think of a good title for this post.  She did come up with "Pillbox Pusher," but not before the suggestion, "Droppin' the Drugs."  I laughed and told her that title was not going to work.  She understood.

Oh Flavor, Good to Have You Back

A few times, I have been asked, "What was one of the hardest things about treatments?"  Well, let's imagine you are asking me that question right now, and let me tell you.  Food, and not getting to enjoy it.  Many people going through cancer treatments experience nausea and lose their appetite.  For me, my appetite stayed pretty strong for the most part.  I can definitely tell you that I continued to see and smell food like I always had, but my taste buds went on vacation.  Also, because of my mouth sores, my menu has been extremely limited.  For a while, it was just peanut butter, honey, vanilla, and milk...all in liquid form.  Now, let's fast forward to today.

I have slowly been able to add more flavors to my list such as chocolate and strawberries.  I have been able to slowly add solid foods back to my diet such as scrambled eggs and some pasta dishes.  However, my taste buds had still not returned from their vacation.  Truth is, I could taste things, but mostly at the back of my mouth, and it was pretty faint.

But, then, I woke up this morning.  I went to the kitchen and found that Jess had made some cinnamon rolls.  I said, "I'm going to try one."  When the first bite hit my tongue, I noticed something delightfully different.  I thought, "I think that this tastes good, but I'm not sure."  I tried another bite and thought, "This IS good."  With a boost of confidence, Jess and I went to Applebee's with some friends.  I ordered the grilled tilapia and FINISHED IT!!!  While eating the tilapia, I noticed that it did NOT taste very good (probably needed some sauce or something).  However, this was FANTASTIC news.  I could taste it.

I am still not all the way back, and it is still difficult to eat solids.  But, today was a HUGE milestone and sign of progress.  I now have a full week until Jess and I go to the New Orleans Jazz Festival.  I am confident that I will be enjoying some good food that day.  Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord!

The Incredible Edible (again) Egg

It's official...I ate solid food again.  Eggs were the last solid food I was eating during treatments, so I felt like I had recovered enough to go for it again.  I prepared three eggs (scrambled) with butter and shredded cheese, and about 45 minutes later I pumped a victory fist in the air.  Yes, it took me about 45 minutes to eat 3 eggs, but I ate them.

Recovery has definitely moved slower than I expected.  I am an optimistic person, so I had allowed myself pretty high hopes.  However, the recovery, in some ways, has been harder than the treatments.  One of my teammates in Bosnia (who is from Estonia) told me an Estonian phrase today:  "I got over the dog but cannot get over his tail!"  True words, Estonia.  I have had some new rashes show up on my neck that are really raw right now.  Then, over the past 2 days, I have been fighting with some epic allergies (or a minor cold).  Coughing and sneezing don't go well with a throat that is still sore and a tongue trying to still fend off sores.  Now, let me say that this paragraph is more of a chronicle of my experience than a complaint.  So, that's enough of that.

Yet God continues to be good to us.  Progress can be seen and people continue to love us well.  I am able to taste old flavors again without them burning my mouth.  I even lost a little bit of hair at the bottom of my hairline on the back of my neck.  Why is this good?  Gave me another valid reason to buzz my head again.  Feels so good.  And, again, the completion of solid food was a HUGE victory. 

Tomorrow...I think we'll try some mashed potatoes.

Done Deal

It is unbelievable how good God has been to me.  He has sustained me through this trial and continues to.  Although there is still some recovery to go, it sure feels good to know that it will no longer be interrupted by more treatments.  The doctor even said that I may begin to eat more normal again by the end of the week.  Wow, that would be nice.

My wife and I are very grateful that God led us to Southwest Cancer Center.  This group of people do a great job caring for their patients.  They even did a shaky face picture for me, too...

Now, I call that first-rate care.

I also want to thank all of you for your prayers.  Jess and I have felt God answering these prayers often.  Plus, we have felt loved immensely by so many people adding action to their prayers and taking care of us so well.  We love you all very much.

And then, a little shout out to my wife.  She is a champ!  I have embarrassed her enough and she has told me to stop, so we will leave it at that.

What now?  Well, I will continue to keep you posted as God continues to flesh out what He has wanted me to learn through all of this.  I would also love to keep you updated with the new blessings to come of getting to taste flavors again, eat solid food, and find energy to be Billy again.  So, feel free to stay tuned.

God is good, ALL the time!!!  Amen!