"And I will put this third into the fire,
and refine them as one refines silver,
and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.'"
-Zechariah 13:9 (ESV)
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
-Romans 5:3-5
It has been awhile since I have posted again, but it is definitely time to share a little more about my journey. As for my physical body, God has been good to me. However, I still find myself having trouble with eating sometimes and still lacking energy some days as I am trying to get back in the swing of "normal" life again. So, while I can share many praises about physical healing and recovery, it is the spiritual healing and refining that now feels so good.
I am going to open up a little bit and get a little raw here. I think I have to in order to be able to effectively share the blessing of God's refining me in his fire. And while it has hurt through the journey, it feels so good right now. So, here goes...
First, one of my biggest weaknesses in life has been confidence in myself. This weakness has taken a few different forms throughout my life. For example, I have lost number of the amount of times I have compared myself to other people. As a missionary, I have compared myself to numerous people here. As a youth director, I compared myself to past youth directors I worked for. And the list goes on...as a student, camp counselor, worship leader, musician, husband, father, follower of Christ.
Next, I am a harmonizer. It is very rare for me to ever take sides. Exceptions include when it comes to maintaining Biblical truth or the occurrence of flat-out evil. Now, God has created me this way and it is one of my strengths. However, this character trait can turn into people-pleasing. Over the past couple of years, the enemy has really been able to use this in ways that has caused me to think very low of myself at times...to the point where emotional healing became necessary. Please allow me to spare you the details. Just know that God had some work to do on me.
Whew...that was some heavy stuff. The optimist in me is itching to get to the good news. So, I will. God has used this medical journey through cancer, operation, treatments, and recovery to work on areas in me way beyond the physical body. I can sit here today and say that I am a different person. God has taught me to truly believe that he "will be my confidence" (Psalm 3:32). My heart is going through healing that is drawing me so much closer to God. I have learned the importance and wisdom of creating healthy boundaries in my life (with work, relationships, ministry, family, etc). I have known joy in a new way. I have a deep hunger for God's Word that is refreshing. I have been more refined, and it feels so good.
Praise be to our glorious God!
